Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize