y did u give ur computer a hand job?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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