today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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