just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize