is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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