call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
