This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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