she woke up with a sticky ear
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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