3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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