I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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