I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
