At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize