I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
