You made me cry and you don't even care
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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