i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think i peed on brittanys purse
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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