I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
