Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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