you guys were way drunker than both of me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
