Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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