I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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