My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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