cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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