break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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