Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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