Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
