I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
