All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
