Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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