Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
