totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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