...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
