Duck Duck Cougar?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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