So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
