I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
