I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
