So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't think brook has ever known best
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
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