youre lurking in front of me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
