you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
