girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Less talking, more tequila
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize