i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
