you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
