you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
