I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
