This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
