fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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