a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
