Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
