He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
