Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
