these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
