Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize