I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
