Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
