I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
this will be a night to untag.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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