My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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