of course. lets lasso hookers.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
