oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
