My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
