You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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