Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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