i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize