FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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