I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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