My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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