i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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