I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
