Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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