Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
