I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
