guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
