Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
