Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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