You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
