I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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