i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
